Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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