I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize