Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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