I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize