I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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