ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
