i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
