I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
