Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was confusing and full of hummus
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
