get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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