Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
