I only kidnapped one of them. chill
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
