Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
accomplished twins. life is a go
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize