Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
