At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
