i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
