I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
