I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
