Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I cockslap morals
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
