every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
