My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
