I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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