One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
