Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
