Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
