am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
