you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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