sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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