it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
