So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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