If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if only i could text you this smell
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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