I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
