so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
whose parrot is this?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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