So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
