Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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