I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
