I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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