that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
