woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
