If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
True strength comes from lack of pants
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
