as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
