I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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