Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
