I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
