Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
