I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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