You're a womanizer and a bitch.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize