Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
