half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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