I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
