I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize