I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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