So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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