apparently the secret to your success is patron
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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