i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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