The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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