Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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