You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
