there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
