either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
