Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When are your genitals available?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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