The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
