I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you win again, gameday.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
