Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
