by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
