My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
