Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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