Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
