When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
