so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
