walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
