Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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