That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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