Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
