Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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